Be Yourself

There was a third sign on New Year’s Eve. It was a post on Facebook by a dear friend of mine who’s going through similar difficulties: “Every year you make a resolution to change yourself. This year, make a resolution to be yourself.”

Wow! That was like a punch to the gut. Why do I want to change? What’s wrong with me the way I am? Why can’t I be satisfied with myself? The answer to all of those questions is that my inner-self is super critical. I say things to myself that I would never say to a friend, or even to an enemy.

Some of that critique comes from my first marriage to an emotional and verbal abuser. I would start sentences by putting myself down in order to cushion the blow of what I expected him to say. It really messed with my mind. I started to believe the lies he told me about myself.

When my first husband passed away, I started a quest to get back to my 18-year-old self. The one who was confident, who didn’t care what others thought. I wanted to be “artsy” again. I wanted to do the things I wanted to do but that I couldn’t do married to an overbearing man. Just about the time I got everything worked out, I decided to remarry. My husband will be the first to admit that it was a mistake.

So, here I am again, “finding myself.” This time, though, I’m not as lost as before. I have a reliable map and a compass to keep me on the right path. I have God as my navigator to lead the way. It’s going to be a great journey, filled with opportunities to serve Him.

I’m handing God the reigns.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;

teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,

for they have been from of old.

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

according to your steadfast love remember me,

for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Psalm 25:4-7 ESV

Father, I come to You, humbled. I pray that You alone lead my path in every situation. I want to give my life over to You. I pray that You can use me to be Your light.

Father, we pray for the family and friends of those killed or wounded in Louisiana. Please help them heal. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.